Let Me Tell You About That Old Time Religion.

(Let Me Tell You About) That Old Time Religion.
Ernest Samuel Llime - Woodhaven

When I was born, my parents were just recovering from the after effects of the second world war. Exactly six million jews had been exterminated by the nazi germans and as I was growing up, my parents kept telling me that was the reason they became communists and did not believe in GOD anymore. In spite of that, they agreed to let a professional pervert cut off a piece of my little pecker.
This is how it works: You take an eight day old boy and let him suck on a little rag dipped in sweet wine, and when he is least expecting it, you slice off his foreskin and suck the booboo a little bit to stem the blood flow.
This is how this custom seems to have come about: The day after Abraham did not kill Isaac because GOD stayed his hand??!!?? - Abraham gathered all his trusty advisors to ask their opinion about the incident. All but one had already agreed on an explanation, namely, that this new GOD had played a practical joke on Abraham and that there was no need to worry any more. Unfortunately the one who said nothing was actually the one that Abraham always listened to so nothing would do but that he voice his opinion. This is what Zalman said eventually:

-Look Abe, I told you when this Dude was making overtures around here that you have to be careful with this One. But you just had to get greedy. O.K., so he delivered this land to you, but you have no idea how much trouble this is going to cause in the future. This Guy is going to want more and more and is going to deliver less and less. It's still not too late you know;
When he said: "Thou shall have no gods but me," he made it quite clear that not only are there others out there, but also that they are obviously interested. We could switch now before he gets too big and greedy.
Abraham would have none of that. The reason he always listened to Zalman was because he always managed to talk him out of what he really meant to say, thus thinking that the advice he got here was better, because he had to work for it. All the others just seemed to say mostly what he wanted to hear. Zalman tried a little bit longer to get Abraham to see reason but to no avail. Seeing that he was getting nowhere, he then suggested that some kind of sacrifice might be necessary in order to avoid future occurrences of similar incidents. In order to prove that the fathers of Israel would do anything for their GOD, they will have a little piece of their sons' penises cut off. When Abraham suggested that it would be more economical to sacrifice two or three daughters the head advisor sneered and assured his patron that GOD couldn't use the girls any more then he, Zalman, would. Zalman then, had the honor of performing the first circumcision on Isaac and that is where that blood sucking bit originated; Some kind of shit is what always comes out when you let old faggots initiate new traditions.